Romance Blossoms for Seniors During Quarantine
By Maggie Parke, NY Times, Feb. 25, 2021
For some in assisted living residences, the lockdown has made finding a romantic companion as simple as walking down the hall.
When 91-year-old Sam Gallo and 86-year-old Millie Hathorn got engaged in March 2020, Mr. Gallo wrote a letter to his three children. The purpose of the letter was to explain why they wanted to get married at their ages and so quickly, instead of waiting until the pandemic had passed and the families could celebrate together. “What a tragedy it would be to allow a day once earned in gold to fall like water through careless fingers … We accept our golden days are numbered, and we are determined to treasure each one as they are given to us, one by one.”
Companionship is often found in long-term care facilities. Research published in the Sexuality Research and Social Policy in 2009 found that it was “common” for assisted living residents to have a “continued interest in romantic relationships.” And while intercourse isn’t unheard-of in assisted living, the findings “overwhelmingly revealed that intimate touch, hand holding, and other less physically intense expressions were common.”
But many of these types of facilities have been on lockdowns of late to avoid infection of the coronavirus. At points, residents have been quarantined in their rooms or on their floors. And in some places visitations have been restricted (the Centers for Disease Control advised long-term care facilities to “have a plan for visitor restrictions” and “facilitate and encourage alternative methods for visitation” like video calls).
Senior care housing facilities can be lonely, and with these restrictions, many have feared residents are lonelier than ever.
Some say the opposite is happening though. Some residents may be more inclined to find a romantic companion right now, whether because of the doom and gloom of the pandemic or because of the isolation from friends and family.
“We are seeing more relationship building, some romantic, some friendship,” said Daniel Reingold, president and chief executive of the Hebrew Home at Riverdale in the Bronx. He said “without question” his residents, who are in the process of getting fully vaccinated, have been more open to love during the pandemic. “What I’m sensing is not that there’s an increased fear of mortality so much that there’s an increased appreciation for love,” he said. “People realizing, I want to have somebody in my life right now. So they’re finding each other.”
Administrators from all the facilities interviewed for this article have seen a lot of residents stepping up to take care of and support each other in isolation. That includes Amber Court, an assisted living community in Brooklyn, where 76-year-old Jeffrey Miller proposed to 71-year-old Gloria Alexis in August.
Before the pandemic, they weren’t even in a romantic relationship. They were just friends. However, after the pandemic hit, Ms. Alexis spent a month in the hospital (for something unrelated to coronavirus, which neither of them have contracted), cut off from Mr. Miller for “too long,” he said. “I was going crazy.” During that time, Mr. Miller said his feelings for her grew stronger.
Sol Bauer, the director of operations at Amber Court, said that the uncertainty of the world around them made Mr. Miller realize he cared for her as more than a friend. “Jeffrey kept on coming in and bothering me and kept asking all of us in the office when she’s coming back,” Mr. Bauer said. “And I eventually said, ‘why do you need to know when she’s coming back? When she’s back, you’ll know.’ And he said, ‘I want to propose to her,’ and he whipped out a box with a diamond ring and a wedding band, and we almost passed out.”
Once they found out when she’d be coming back, the staff helped Mr. Miller plan a perfect outdoor proposal, complete with balloons, roses, and, of course, the ring. “Something told me to do it, it was about time. We’re not getting any younger,” Mr. Miller said.
They are hoping for a spring wedding at Amber Court with friends from the facility. They now live in the same room. As to why the pandemic changed their relationship, Mr. Miller said, “you realize, you don’t want to be by yourself.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/25/style/seniors-find-love-in-quarantine.html
Image by 👀 Mabel Amber, who will one day from Pixabay